Article Dan speed blogs

Short sharp shocks to the world 
Filed under

news

 

Amazon, Kindle and Orwell - a baby sister tantrum people need to get over

So the news has been hot for the last week with the HORROR at Amazon's uber-ironic recall of George Orwell books from its Kindle e-reader devices. The beef? That they simply reached in and pulled that shit out of people's devices without so much as a by-your-leave, warning or request. They stole 1984 from Kindle users!
Well, no they didn't. Everyone was reimbursed. And all of this was only because Amazon had sort of stolen it in the first place. These works of Orwell had been mistakenly released to Kindle download without license. So, finding themselves accidentally in breach of some pretty vociferously applied laws, the Amazon crew ran a recall. A recall, which in this glorious digital age required little more than a flick of a switch and schhhhhhhkooop! All those infringing digital books were gone and the legal troubles with them.

Only then the consumer troubles began...  People have been up in arms about this act of invasion by Amazon. “You RAPED my Kindle and burned my rights!” came the calls. Amazon's privacy invasion recalls Big Brother, right? These guys have watchtowers in our devices and they're like filthy O'Briens taking back whatever the feel fit. The whole thing's too delicious and dirty not to Delicious and Digg.

If you want a picture of the future imagine a Kindle pressing onto a human face - forever...

As one of my readers noted, it’s like Barnes & Noble sneaking into our homes in the middle of the night, taking some books that we’ve been reading off our nightstands, and leaving us a check on the coffee table.

Dear god. It is SO not like that. It might be if you were living in a timewarp, or a bubble of hypocrisy. Oh wait...

This is so ridiculous. The people who so thrive upon, evangelise and espouse the beauties of freedoms that the Digital Revolution has provided – free content; file-sharing; music you can buy (or steal) with a mouse click; movies you can watch without ever walking near a cinema or DVD store; the books you can read without crossing the threshold of a bookstore...

You can't celebrate and bask in the digital age – scorn the Music Industry for getting it all so wrong; mock the Movies for losing the plot; yell that the newspapers are dying with French Revolutionary glee – THEN moan when this digital free spirit comes and bites you on the ass.

You don't even own anything on the Kindle anyway. You bought a license to read the intellectual property and rights protected writings of George Orwell; you didn't buy the rights themselves. Same way, when you buy a CD of music you have bought a piece of shiny plastic; not the music on it; same with the DVD – that movie ain't yours. If it WAS yours don't you think you'd be able to play it where-so-ever you damn well liked? I can't play my DVDs in America (region 1). Or China (region 6). Or on an oil rig for that matter (region 7 or 8 - it's unclear).

You don't own any of this crap. You never have. And now you don't even buy it wrapped in gatefold plastic, surely that makes it all the clearer. It's just data, and you're just accessing it under a strict set of permissions. So WHEN the guys who've granted you the license to play / watch / read a set of data realise that it was never theirs to let you read and they decide to remove the offending data from your Kindle, shall I tell you what it's NOT like: it's NOT like a bookstore breaking into your house and taking back a book you bought.

There was no bookstore. There was no bookstore guy. There was no bookshelf in your house. There was no book. There was just data.

You can't apply an analogue paradigm to a digital principle. Back in the analogue day you couldn't buy a book with the tap of a key on a Kindle and suddenly have the complete works of Emily Bronte on a handheld device at practically no cost. Back in the day, you'd be unlikely to buy a book that didn't have correct rights for your digital platform and have it recalled with the tap of a key. Swings and roundabouts, folks.

But it's Big Brother, Dan. The nanny state, but the nanny's packing a swag-bag and a burglar's mask!

Really? You don't want the instant recall? If an iPhone app was released and you bought it (you don't own that by the way, you have it under license), and it turned out to be crashing your phone – you'd want them to fix it, right? And they would. With the flick of a switch. (Apple have long been berated for having a 'kill switch' for iPhone apps – Big Brother Steve Jobs... What a crock. It makes complete sense to be able to remove bad data from a phone / ipod expediently. Get over it.)

If you bought a car and there was duff software messing up the balance or the breaking and they could just remove it immediately, remotely, without bothering you - making you safer - you'd want them to, right? You'd want them to tell you they'd done it afterwards, but for the sake of getting it done - just do it.

If you bought a digital book and the last page was missing you'd want them to add that last page with the flick of a switch – and they could. You don't end up like Tony Hancock; no, you get that missing page popped back in in version 1.2.

A few people downloaded data they shouldn't have (by accident); they had it taken away – as if it were a virus or malware (it WAS illegal on your Kindle). They were refunded. Get over it. We've been telling the music industry to get over the same shit – to find a new model, to pull its head out of its ass, well – here's our turn to grow up and realise where and WHEN we live.

Keep th' faith,
Article Dan

Loading mentions Retweet
Filed under  //   Amazon   Bizarre   funny   George Orwell   Kindle   New Media   News  

Comments [0]

New landmark in self-destruction: surrealicide

This is not to make light of a man's despair and personal tragedy, nor am I proud to direct eyeballs and traffic towards The Sun's webshite, but honestly - this is just too fucking bizarre:
 
Headline
 
SAW SUICIDE
 
Story:
 
A man is so depressed about his house being repossessed he commits suicide by cutting off his own head with a chainsaw.
 
Sounds a grim and messy way of taking yourself out of the equation, right? Well, not as grim as it is odd. The dude didn't simply rev up the spinning chain of death and set to hacking off his noggin. No he thought it through and

'plugged it into the mains and put a timer on the socket, then took a cocktail of pills to knock himself out. He rested the saw on his neck and once he passed out, the timer went off – slicing through his neck in an instant. ' from The Sun

Seriously. That's tragic and crackers.

Loading mentions Retweet
Filed under  //   Bizarre   Chainsaw   News   Suicide  

Comments [1]

I think about killing people all the time

I have a confession to make: I think about killing people. I think about it a lot. But then I commute for two hours every day, so it's probably to be expected...
 
I say this in respect of the news that Thailand has banned Grand Theft Auto IV in response to some fool stabbing a taxi driver to death in a bid to compare like for like from Game to Reality. You know the sort of thing: 'Gee, it's pretty easy to jack a cab and whack the fool driver in GTA. I wonder if it's that easy in real life? I'm off to try that out. Oop! Better take my stabbin' knife...'
 
http://news.bbc.co.uk/newsbeat/hi/technology/newsid_7540000/7540623.stm
 
So, pretty scary, right? I mean - that game got right into that kid's head and just fucked the wiring all the hell up, right? R-i-i-ight...
 
Thing is, when I play GTA, I don't really find myself coming away from it wanting to pop a cap into some sucker's ass; planning to bitch slap some ho' for her takings; steal a 'Vette and go cruising for cops to crush. It just doesn't engage me that way.
 
Of course, when I watch a movie like Terminator 2, I do spend the next few days mowing down imaginary foes with hip-slung gattling guns,
 
I often pull a gun on some imaginary bastard in my house and blow him away, empty a clip into his face and reload in some considerable cold-ass style, before taking down another couple of bastards that appear in the kitchen door as I walk to make a cup of tea.
 
Walking down the tube platform to work, if the mood takes me, I will grab the head and shoulders of some obstructive, tardy, suited fuck and crack their neck like I was popping the lid of an olive jar; their lifeless body slumps like a gift to gravity as I stride on, barely phased, as if I had flicked lint from my lapel.
 
So I'm mad, right? Movies have twisted my tiny little mind. But who has come out of watching X-men 2 and not at some point imagined retractable adamantium blades of carnage emerging between their knuckles? I've slashed and smoked a hundred enemies with my 'claws'.
 
But, you see, I never went out and bought these:  There's a dude needs watching. (Fortunately you can - on You Tube...)
 
What's my point? My point is that we all think mad thoughts. What separates the 'normal' people from the 'insane' people is the ability to recognise a crazy thought as crazy; the ability NOT to act upon a passing thought; the ability to compartmentalise imagination from motive and action.
 
My imagination doesn't just inflict horrors upon others, by the way. I'm entirely in agreement with Charlie Brooker's opinion http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2008/aug/04/1 and very much in tune with his ability to imagine a scenario of attrocity or disaster befalling me and mine. I've handled tsunamis, fireballs and tornadoes with terror and aplomb, baby!
 
So when a game or a movie or a comic or a song or a book (you never hear about books do you? "Crime and Punishment made me do it!") is used as the 'reason' that an individual kills or harms another person - please, don't join the moral panic of Red Top hysteria. Remember that the person was mad, and would have gone mad sooner or later, with or without GTA as a cue.
 
I have a dozen crazy thoughts every day. The only really crazy thing I do is commute two hours every day.
 
Article Dan

Loading mentions Retweet
Filed under  //   Grand Theft Auto   Humour   killing people   News  

Comments [1]

Fears that Iran has Photoshop capabilities

The end of the world came a little closer last week (yes, I'm late to this), as commentators, analysts and technical experts came to the conclusion that Iran has been testing image manipulation software in breach of UN sanctions.

It has been discovered that heavily-promoted missile tests in Iran, were, in fact, nothing more than a front for a testing of Iran's new Photoshop technologies. The world has been agog since 9 July 2008 as reputable sources such as the BBC and Washington Post ran images of Iran's flawless missile test - four death-mongering war-cocks pluming ferociously into the air - only to then find themselves, with a number of similar news agencies, back-tracking as evidence appeared that Iran's missile test had suffered a failure and only THREE death-mongering war-cocks actually launched; the fourth war-cock remaining grounded, mongering nothing.

These images, however crude and child-like in their deception, chilled the blood of the West to a gelatinous setting point. Long has the West suspected the Iranian ambitions to develop weapons of mass distortion, now it appears they have them.

What does this mean? It means we can no longer trust our very eyes.

WORSE: it means that, before we know it, the Iranians will have LOL Cats. LOL Persian Cats! Think on that, people, and sleep less easy.

Iran Has Cheeseburger.

Keep th' faith,

Dan

   
Click here to download:
Fears_that_Iran_has.zip (46 KB)

Loading mentions Retweet
Filed under  //   Humour   Iran   Lies   News   Photoshop   War  

Comments [4]